Alice Shadow Coltrane Brown...

I'm a little upset right now. I've discovered that my cat, Alice, has been cheating on me with a family down the street. In fact the homeowner, Julie, brought Alice over last night saying she's been bogarting all her cat's food (she didn't actually say bogarting, but that's essentially what it boiled down to). I didn't bother to ask why she kept her cat's food outside.

Alice just came to my front door, and I know she's been down the street, that little adulteress, because her breath smells like wet cat food.

And now she just wants to come in and lay on my comfy bed and groom herself. Can you believe that shit?